


Hiraeth

by an_upset_librarian



Series: Duende (Elriel Moments) [1]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Elriel, F/M, background feysand, feysand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 07:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20560340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/an_upset_librarian/pseuds/an_upset_librarian
Summary: Hiraeth: (n) a homesickness for a home you can’t return to, or that never wasA short drabble about Elain and Azriel confessing to the anger that festers deep within them over their pasts.Part of a series of works, not all chronological, about the development of Elain and Azriel's relationship.





	Hiraeth

“You want to destroy them. The Illyrians. You’d like to make them pay for their hypocrisy and the suffering they caused you. I understand,” Elain turned to face Azriel, his shadows writhing on his neck and jaw and his wings furling and loosening from her words. Her eyes turned glassy as she journeyed back in her memory, to her mortal life and those who would have been a part of it.

“Sometimes I want the same thing for Grayson and his family.” She twisted a lock of hair between her fingers. “I want to go to their ridiculous fortress and break down those walls and show them the monster they believe me to be. I was foolish. They never would have accepted Feyre when she returned to us, they never would have helped us.”

Azriel shifted, his lips parting as if to speak but Elain silenced him with another stony look. He watched her, waiting for her to continue. She held his dark gaze, mourning the grief and anger she saw simmering in those ice-cold eyes. Emotions she could see mirrored in her own every night in the mirror.

“I see the way they looked at me in my dreams. The disgust on his face,” she trailed off. “I wish I said something to him now. Wish I cursed him out for being-” Elain’s throat closed and her voice stopped. She swallowed past the lump forming in her throat, her hand reaching towards the spot on her left hand where her ring used to be.

“I don’t know if I ever thanked you, Azriel,” she started, taking a step towards him. The shadows curling around him darkened. She wanted to brush her fingers over the whorls curling around his body and see if that darkness felt different from his skin.

“Because of your generosity, I was able to save my sister and your brother. I killed a male, a despicable one yes, but I killed him. And I have not regretted it for a single day since,” she was standing half a foot away from him now, gazing up into his eyes and curling her hair around her fingers.

“I told you that you were capable of anything,” Azriel whispered, his voice a rough growl. Elain nodded.

“Has anyone told you that?” She asked. He blinked in surprise. Rhysand and Cassian had always supported him, would do anything for him, but he’d never believed he was capable of much.

“Seems we’re both full of anger,” Azriel murmured, his words an accidental slip of his thoughts. He stiffened and watched Elain’s reaction. She hummed her agreement and returned to twisting the end of her braid.

“Sometimes I scare myself,” Elain whispered with a wobbling voice. “My visions are always so confusing, and never helpful, and I get lost in them and sometimes I don’t think I can find my way back.”

Azriel slowly reached out and grabbed her hand as it tugged on her hair. He gently held it within his own and rubbed his thumb across her smooth skin in comfort. Her gaze returned to his and he could see the fog dissipate from her eyes.

“I dream of marching to the Illyrian clans and locking them away in darkness, suffocating them in it and watching them bleed.” Azriel confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. Elain looked at him with understanding. She twisted her hand in his, so their fingers intertwined and lifted his hand to her lips, pressing a soft kiss to his scarred fingers. Azriel inhaled sharply, his wings slowly relaxing until they curved around his body.

He pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her waist, his wings curling around their bodies like a protective shield. She felt his cold shadows caressing her skin as she nuzzled into his neck and a light laugh fell from her lips at the sensation. Azriel sighed, his body relaxing into hers as they held each other. Elain twisted her fingers in the hair on the nape of his neck and smiled when he leaned into her touch.

Elain didn’t know, or care, how much time passed as they held each other. She found that she never wanted to let go and wished they could stay cocooned from the world forever. Azriel gently kissed the top of her head and held her tight, never showing any signs of letting go.

**Author's Note:**

> This is part one of an ongoing series I'm working on where I write about these two and give in to my love for them. I just think they're neat, ya know. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy and don't forget to let me know what you think!


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